I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
