does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
