Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
