I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
