he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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