Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
