I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
