There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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