My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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