i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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