my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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