I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
