Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
