he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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