every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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