I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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