her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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