also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
