when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
