It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize