i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
