Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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