I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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