I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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