You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
