Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
are you so shy because you have an std?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
