yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
