apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
