You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
