and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
