Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
