A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
