Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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