i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
