I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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