I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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