when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she smelled like a LAN party
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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