Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
