Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
