It's like God shit irony all over that family
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
