I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
