it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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