I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
