dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
