In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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