And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
wow bdsm is so cute
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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