there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
