Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
