can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
