Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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