oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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