My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
