I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
