Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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