Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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