everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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