I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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