The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
