I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
