She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
