while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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