Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
