The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
