I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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