If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
