Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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