I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
