She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Even my vagina gasped.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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