when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
