I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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