I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Randomize
