Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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