yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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