i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
