How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
