Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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