Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She even gives head with a lisp.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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