You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
