If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
