Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
