hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
