once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize