How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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