I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
