My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
