We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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