Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
