It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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