He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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