it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
