just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
