her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
