Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he puts the penis in happiness.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
