her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Randomize
