So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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