So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
