Betty ford says i'm here all night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
