Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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