Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
