mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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